Currently Listening Ganging Up on the Sun By Guster see related

This Cloudy Life I Lead....

Life....what can i say? Its twisted. The past year has been so cloudy in my mind. Its like I get an idea but cant even begin to bring it to the front of my mind. Am I missing out on something? There are times when I feel like I can see a light and I am pulling myself out of an engulfing pit of existence, but each grain of sand is weighing against me and sucking me back in. There is a spiritual battle going on inside of me and there are times when I am not even sure what side is winning. My conscience is one of the main things that takes me back to reality. It shows me that there is a good and evil by tugging at my heart when things aren't right. I know its the Holy Spirit inside of me. I think part of my cloudy mind is to the fact that everyone makes everything so complicated. It all goes back to Adam and Eve. Satan tempted Eve with knowledge.

"For God knows that when you eat of it your eyes will be opened, and you will be like God, knowing good and evil." Genesis 3:5

It was so simple before because all that existed was truth. Adam and Eve were surrounded by good things and were in the presence of God. Eve's eyes were opened that day to the evil that entered the world through her sin. This in turn has clouded my mind. Questions creep into me about life, God, His power and will. Things that can rip me away from the truth that we once had. Instead of being surrounded by truth, my mind feels like I am surrounded by evil and I am just reaching out grasping for what is right and true. Lord I pray that You will just keep my mind clear and that I can focus on what really matters: that Jesus paid the penalty for my sins so that I can have eternal life.

Voices in my mind....

Stepping back for a minute I feel like this hallow vessel. My head is clear above the haze pondering this mystery called life.

There is something more inside that ignites us to be. We are more than just mechanisms breathing and functioning according to plan. There is a stronger force that surrounds us and is with us day by day.

Ignoring this force, ignoring the soul, people forget how to breathe.....

Life becomes a motion picture centered around you as the star. People come in and out of the set as you are surrounded by wants and needs.

Situations and dilemmas arise and consume our lives. None of this would matter but we are attached.

From the day we exited our mother's womb til the day we die we will be attached to this world. Some aren't as attached as others.

There are many in this place that don't think about death, it is just one of those things that will 'never happen to them'.

In their motion picture the world is theirs to conquer. Then death comes suddenly, the set goes dark, and everything they have worked for is left behind.....

I feel like a spirit in a dead body. I control my actions and go along with my motion picture of life, but I am already dead.

Water touches the surface of my skin but stops there. I want it to go deeper, to go far into the pit of my existence and flush me out.

Water though is only skin-deep, just like everything of this world. Only the blood of Jesus can make me new again.

Currently Listening Arriving By Chris Tomlin, Steven Curtis Chapman see related

Stand up! Against the rushing river....

So I was in my recitation for my Judaism, Christianity, Islam class and I got into this conversation with a Jewish girl. She talked about how she was born in Israel and how you were born Jewish there. It isn't weird to be Jewish in Israel because everyone is. Everyone is going to the synagogue and reading the ancient texts as well as learning about it at an early age. She started talking about how it doesn't take much discipline to be Jewish because she has learned all of her life to do it and so that's how she lives now.
Interested I asked her:

"So at what point in your life did you make it not just tradition and what you learned as a child and accepted your faith for yourself? When did you start to question your beliefs?"

She told me that that has never happened to her. She has always believed what has been taught to her as the truth and that it isn't questioned it's engrained in her as tradition.

Sad.

Yeah I grew up in a Christian family and went to church but it wasn't until high school that I questioned the stuff my parents were pouring down my throat and then came to realize that it was truthand called myself a Christian.

That is something everyone needs to do. Don't take things for what they are question things! If someone tells me that my horoscope basically says I probably shouldn't even get out of bed today because my day will be a 2 out of 10that's it! Right theresome lady predicts my death to be when I am 20 and the aliens will return tomorrow to kill off my family. Maybe life isn't worth living and I should trust everything people tell me

My Psychology classes have been telling me lately that I have no control over my behaviors.

There was this college student in Texas, and he was a normal guy. Nobody knew this but he had a tumor on his brain that was slowly growing. As it grew, it slightly would apply pressure on a part of the brain that controls his emotions. As you can imagine with time he slowly became short-tempered and angry. He noticed that there was something wrong with him so he went to the school's doctor and told them his problem. They diagnosed it as depression and gave him medicine. Since they didn't stop the growth he got to the point where he knew he had to kill someone. He couldn't live with the fact that his family would know that he killed a person so he went to visit them and killed each one of them

Later he returned to his school and began to sniper people down from a tower at Texas University
 

My teachers say that it only takes certain situations to bring out the worst in people

Some other college students were in a study where they were taken to a mock prison and divided into two groups: one was the guards and one was the prisoners.

Within days they forgot that they were in the experiment and lost their identities becoming the roles assigned to them.

Another study showed that under pressure people would sit down and shock someone all the way until deathlittle did they realize that the person wasn't actually being shocked.

I think Christianity is a choice that everyone makes. You have to wake up each day and surrender everything to God. You choose to make everything you say and every action you take to reflect Jesuseven your thought life should reflect Him. So when my teachers and the rest of the world tells me that I have no control over my life, that can be partly true, God has ultimate control, but the thing is when it comes down to it its your choice.

It is your choice to instead of going to the police or a real hospital to shoot people and end their lives

It is your choice to forget your true identity and develop into roles that are assigned to you

You don't have to believe that you have no control over your behavior because then you really wont you will be doing things because you feel like you are just going with the flow and there is no hope for you

Is there a reason why some people being tortured to death will still stand for their faith?

Why did that high school girl stand up to get shot when the Columbine shooter asked if anyone in that room believed in God?